Just Cheyenne.

I am Cheyenne.
Sometimes that's too much, and sometimes that's not enough.

havewingswilltravel asked: Keep going, you're so brave. I hope venting here helped. I am sure you've had to deal with this before and you've pulled yourself through it, and you can do it again. You can! Music helps a lot, I find. Good luck, mysterious internet buddy.

Thank you so, so much, friend.
This was really kind of you. Venting did help, and I was able to stay calm and do relaxing things instead of panicking. I really feel like I’m making a lot of progress with being able to control my emotions/anxiety/other things. I’m trying to remind myself of that and be proud of my progress. I think it’s helping.
Music absolutely helps me, too. Thanks again for reaching out! :3

I just need to say a thing “out loud” so someone can see it.
You could just ignore this, really, and it would be fine. I just want to put it out there to be seen, but I don’t care if anyone actually “sees”it.

Whatever, just ignore it.


I can’t shake the darkness today.
I feel like I’m suffocating.
I feel like I’m being eaten alive.
I feel less than human.
I feel like I’m becoming nothing more than a black hole, a star imploding on itself in the ultimate form of self-destruction.

I think I managed to sleep through the impulsive phase, but I’m having trouble doing much of anything else.
Sometimes, if I say it out loud or tell it to someone who might be inclined to look for me if I suddenly fell off the face of the planet and would possibly know where to start looking if such a time were to arise, I feel better.
I feel like I’ve reached my hand above the dark and confusing waters and touched solid land. It’s an attempt to reorient myself, to find reality.
So, yeah.
I just needed to say that in a place that someone could easily find it, if they needed to. To make myself feel better. Um, don’t freak out about it. Because then I’ll freak out about it and I’m worried impulsive behavior will take over again.
So.
Yeah.
Just.
Yeah.
Things. Saying words.
Making sentences.
On the internet.
Because I didn’t ready know where else to turn.
And my contacts appear to all be busy, at the moment, which, like, is totally fine. But, so that’s just why I’m using the internet as a resource. Not to like, need attention or send a “cry for help” or whatever the fuck.
Just.
Finding reality again.
Okay.
Yeah.
So.
Have a nice evening, then, or whatever time of day it is where you are. It’s evening here.